Be honest. That song is now totally stuck in your head!
Today you can find me with a much happier attitude and outlook.
Why you ask?!?
Allow me to explain.
I posted on the eve of my 32nd week. I had mentioned that I was told I would be reevaluated at 32 weeks. Anyway, yesterday morning I woke up pretty early and after I ordered breakfast, one of the MFM fellows came strolling in.
MFM: Hi Mrs. Horn. How are you this morning? Any problems during the night?
Me: I am fine thank you, and no problems last night.
MFM: Any bleeding? contractions? leaking of fluid?
Me: No, some contractions but they were my fault for not staying hydrated.
MFM: Okay, and cramping or nausea? Headaches? Spots or blurred vision?
Me: Nope.
MFM: Any pain in your legs? Any swelling in your feet?
Me: Not really.
MFM: Okay. (she turns to walk away)
Me: Oh excuse me? I was told yesterday that since I am 32 weeks I would be reevaluated or at least have my cervix checked again.
MFM: (looking at her chart) yes I heard about that in rounds this morning, but I wasn't here when that decision was made so I need to follow up. Okay. We will be back.
Me: Okay.
I was feeling a little discouraged and felt as though I wouldn't be able to get reevaluated. I thought I'd just be shrugged off.
A little while later, the Resident came in (again. THAT one). She asked me if anyone had come in to do a cervical check. I told her no. She said she would follow up with it.
After I finished eating and called to complain to Mikey about how hot the room was, MFM came in. She said that it was cervical check time.
I used the facilities and said a silent prayer for no change or at least a manageable change.
YOUCH!!!!! Cervical exams are NOT fun. Especially when pregnant.
The doctor told me I was 1 centimeter dilated and about 50% effaced. She also told me that my cervix was posterior, as opposed to anterior. I didn't understand what that meant so I asked her. Apparently posterior is better because it means labor isn't close. After she explained the difference, she told me that she would discuss my results with the MFMs and perhaps I could come home. I nodded silently.
I called both my mother and my husband and explained to them the recent events. As I was on the phone with either my mom or Mikey, the nurse came in. I told whoever I was speaking with that I would call them back after I knew something. The nurse looked at me and said "Aww, I bet you were making happy phone calls!" I looked at her like she had lobsters crawling out of her ears. I had no idea what she was talking about so I asked her what she meant by 'happy phone calls'. She said "I heard the doctors and I think they are going to send you home". I was shocked. One reason being that the doctors themselves didn't tell me anything, and the second being that I was prepared mentally to stay throughout the duration of my pregnancy.
As my nurse and I were talking, the MFM came in. The nurse apologized for spilling the beans a little and was worried that she had given me false information. The doctor agreed that it was weird since she hadn't officially spoken to me. So the nurse excused herself and left the doctor and I to chat.
The doctor told me that I would be going home.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was SHOCKED. Like literally. In fact, I cried a little and explained to her that I couldn't leave just yet because Mikey wouldn't be able to get off work until later in the evening. She told me that she wouldn't kick me out of bed and I could stay as long as I needed. I was so happy but at the same time super apprehensive. So I asked her if any patient had ever refused to be sent home. She said that there have been patients that were given the option and chose to stay, but that was not the case for me. I don't have contractions, I don't require medicine for either contractions or blood pressure, I am not diabetic, etc. I am completely healthy with a short cervix that is now only slightly dilated. We then discussed where I would be continuing my prenatal care--at the original hospital, or Incubation Station. It was a tough decision since I love my OBs from Arlington Hospital, but I hadn't seen them in weeks and I was under the care of doctors that knew every single thing about the last 8 weeks. So I switched to Inova Fairfax's MFM group. They are the ones who I see each and every morning. As soon as this is done, I will go back to my original doctors at Arlington and continue my GYN care. And who knows.. Maybe OB care again someday.
As soon as I got the news and stopped crying, I called Mikey. He was also in shock. We hadn't even planned on the reality that I would be going home. Every time we discussed it, it was kind of hypothetical scenarios that never went anywhere because neither of us thought it would happen. Both my mom and mother-in-law were shocked as well. In fact, too shocked to seem happy--just indifferent. I know they were happy, it just took everyone by surprise. Everyone had agreed that I would be staying with my mother in law for the duration of my bed rest. She only lives 10-15 minutes from the hospital and there are only 5 steps I need to go up to get to the room where I am staying. Additionally, my sister in law would be home from college and would be around if I needed anything. I wouldn't be alone completely. I do miss my cats and my townhouse, but we have too many steps to climb up!
The rest of the day was a blur. I just kept imagining waking up from this exciting dream. And I also tried to imagine how the hell I was going to get 8 weeks worth of stuff out of the hospital room!
At around 5:45, Mikey showed up and began breaking down Incubation Station. I wrote thank you cards to my favorite nurses. At about 7:00pm and after several trips to the car, the process was officially over. I was wheeled out of my room and left to the real world. I hugged my nurses, handed out cards and got teary eyed. I cried because I was so happy but so scared at the same time. My 8 week security blanket was being removed. I didn't know what life was like outside of the hospital room. I didn't even have a coat! Mikey gave me his. I was wheeled out and of the High Risk Perinatal Unit and rolled outside. I remember thinking the December air felt magnificent. I was in a stuffy room for all those weeks and I was finally feeling the wind and cool air. I teared up a little.
When I got into the car with Mikey it felt like I was from another planet. It was so strange, yet so soothing. As we drove away I couldn't help but feel like I was leaving a huge part of me. A part of me that despite my hating and complaining about, really changed me. I asked Mikey to drive around his mother's neighborhood so we could look at the Christmas lights. We turned on the 24/6 Holiday music station and looked at the lights. He held my hand and we discussed how glad we were to be reunited and how much we love and missed each other. He told me that it hadn't felt like Christmas yet and that the holidays seemed silly without me, but now that I am home, it finally feels right. (I am pretty sure this ruins his cool cred)
I have spent one night here in my new Incubation Station. I had a hard time sleeping since I was so shocked, but also because I was in a real bed as opposed to a hospital inflatable bed. And so far today has been pretty ho-hum. But I have moments where I still can't wrap my head around this. It all happened so fast! The whole 8 weeks happened quickly. And now I am feeling like I am...missing the hospital? I miss the safety. I miss knowing that no matter what, someone would be there. I also kind of feel weird that my mother in law and sister in law have waited on me today. It's so not like me and very nursing home-esque. I keep thinking that they aren't really doing it for me only, but the girls too.
So now I will be confined to my room at the new Incubation Station until I deliver. I have a doctors appointment next Wednesday to see how the girls are doing and to possibly discuss an eviction date. Yes, gentle readers, there isn't a whole lot of time left! I predict somewhere in the next 3-5 weeks we may be meeting our little ballerinas.
Pregnancy is difficult, messy, dangerous, beautiful and humbling. I have learned that no, I don't have the glow and yes I was blessed with weight gain, heart burn and stretch marks. I have learned that if I don't listen to my body, there could be trouble. But more importantly: I have learned how to be a mother. I've spent 8 weeks protecting the girls--a mere, teeny, tiny fraction of how long I'll spend protecting them. I know it isn't over yet and I will continue to protect them.
I am utterly thankful for my doctors at Arlington Hospital who rushed me to Inova Fairfax Hospital when they knew something was wrong. I am thankful for the amazing doctors at Fairfax who kept me informed and safe. And lastly, I am thankful for the nurses. These women work 12 hour shifts and are amazing. Anything I needed, they helped with without hesitation. Hug a nurse--if you know one.
And that concludes my story about my journey of hospital bed rest. Now, I am just an average bed ridden lady at home. I will keep you all updated and will keep this going. It's therapeutic. I hope everyone has a very happy Christmashanukwazakah!!! I will post on 12/26/2012 for an update!
Love,
Johanna and two eager ballerinas who are still practicing their pirouettes safely inside. Just gestatin'.
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