Merry Days and Bright Nights

Good afternoon! I hope you all had a nice holiday-whatever that holiday may be!

It's amazing how slowly the week progresses after the holidays. I swear yesterday and today have been eons! But regardless of how slow it seems, I've had a pretty spectacular week.

As you know, I was discharged from Incubation Station at Inova Fairfax Hospital and I was sent to my mother in laws house. It's been a great experience to be a human and out of the hospital. I still feel weird here. I don't like being waited on or being an inconvenience. I still feel kinda like a gelatinous blob that is taking up space in this house. I am so not productive and all I manage to do is lay here. But it's a good thing, I suppose! It could be a lot worse.

Another tough thing is managing my weight and lack of muscle tone up the few steps I go up. I've never been one to just not move or exercise. In fact, I spent hours at the gym weekly prior to my pregnancy. The only reason I stopped exercising was because I was so unbelievably tired and couldn't keep my eyes open when I got home from work each day. That and my favorite kickboxing instructor was leaving. And then I had borderline placenta previa (the placenta moves too close to the cervix) and was afraid to move. Excuses excuses. I get it. I'll be back to my exercising self when the ballerinas come. Mommy jogging with a stroller--here I come!

I digress.

Anyway, the days after my discharge from the hospital were pretty boring at first. I did get a visit from my mother and 4/6 missing Euphonism members (my amazing a cappella group). I reeeeeallly wanted to see my group. It was really special. It's funny, when you spend 4+ hours a week with a singing group, you completely miss it. The routine changes and it feels strange. We had an awesome visit.

Mikey and his sister spent the evenings working on recreating the Star Wars gingerbread AT-AT walker that you may have seen floating around Facebook or whatever. I got to lay on the couch near them, but not actually participate. It's bittersweet because in October, Mikey and I discussed building it together. I really enjoy baking with Mikey. One of my favorite memories was being snowed in with him and we cooked Star Wars sugar cookies and decorated them. It was fun! There's next year. I'll be a baking machine. So domestic-like with my apron, two gorgeous daughters and flour sprinkled across my face. Ahh, perfect!!

And of course, evenings consisted of the rest of the family going to the mall for last minute Christmas shopping. I can honestly say I miss that hustle and bustle of shopping, the crowded stores, feverish wrapping and keeping secrets. Again, next year will be even better! Mikey and I get to do that AND take our girls to see Santa. I cannot wait for that!

Christmas Eve came and I spent all day in bed so I could walk down some steps and visit with people during the Shekmar/Horn annual Christmas party. My mom and stepdad came over to exchange presents with Mikey and I. It was really nice visiting with them and opening presents. Mikey and I got some really nice things! The main gift was the washing machine we were given right when I ended up in the hospital. Everything was smooth sailing until I started contracting. And the contractions led to me panicking and kinda crying. I think I made my mom and stepdad uncomfortable because I was so upset and Mikey made me chug 3-4 bottles of water. I know I've said it multiple times: water is so important! But ya know, I slip sometimes. Anyway, my parents left and Mikey made me go upstairs to lay down until the party started. I wanted to be right next to the bathroom because honestly, 3-4 bottles of water meant I was peeing every few minutes. But the contractions stopped and I was fine to come downstairs and see everyone. The party was great! I laid on the couch and visited with friends and ate. It felt really nice to dress up and visit in a setting that wasn't the hospital!

One of my favorite parts of Christmas Eve is watching the cars and tons of families drive by the house to see the decoration. Mikey works so hard to make his house magical each year and it pays off. The lights bring joy to so many and I love seeing the flashes from the camera and seeing children's eyes in awe of the beauty. We even had carolers come by and sing! It was amazing!!

Christmas morning came and it was amazing. So many lovely gifts. I was sad not to spend it with my family, but I was afraid to go out and shuffle around too much. Mikey and I got toys and things for the girls, including the twin bassinet pack and play! It's the first of the baby "nursery" objects. I received a lovely necklace from Mikey and some clothes for when I am back to my non-pregnant self. Susan, Alex, Victoria and Mikey had lovely Christmases as well.

The doctor gave me permission to go to my grandparents house for Christmas dinner. Their house is 5 minutes from where I am now and there were no stairs for me to climb. There are stairs, but they have one of those electronic chairs that carry people up to the next floor. It was kind of humiliating, but helpful. I didn't have to worry about the steps and I wasn't separated from my family. I missed everyone so much. I didn't get to spend thanksgiving with them and this made up for it.

After dinner, Mikey drove me to our townhouse. I got to walk inside and lay on the bottom floor couch and visit with our stupid cats, Jake and Patrick. It was one of thee best presents. I had missed home so much and I missed the cats. They didn't forget me! :)

Yesterday morning, Mikey and I braved the inclement weather and headed for our appointment. I had a 25 minute NST (non-stress test: monitoring the girls' heartbeats for 25 minutes and seeing accelerations and decelerations and back to baseline). After the NST, we had a sonogram. It was the absolute best sonogram we have had to date! The girls were gorgeous!!! I got to see both of them in perfect 4-D! Mikey was thrilled at how beautiful they looked. When the sonogram was done, we had a follow up with one of the MFMs. We discussed an eviction date.. We will schedule a C Section at the next appointment! AND I was told I could possibly be placed on modified bed rest. Modified bed rest means HOME!! I'll be 34 weeks next week and at that point the doctors don't really try to stop labor.

I can't wait until next week's appointment. I'll get another sonogram and I'll find out about modified bed rest. It will be amazing.

That's all I have for you readers! Thanks for all your support and for reading my story. And for those this applies to: congratulations on the engagements and pregnancy announcements! It's so exciting to see life continuing!!

I will follow up next week. But in the meantime: I wish you and yours a healthy and happy 2013!!

Johanna

"I'm on my way.. I'm on my way. Home Sweet Home"

Be honest.  That song is now totally stuck in your head!


Today you can find me with a much happier attitude and outlook.

Why you ask?!?

Allow me to explain.

I posted on the eve of my 32nd week.  I had mentioned that I was told I would be reevaluated at 32 weeks.  Anyway, yesterday morning I woke up pretty early and after I ordered breakfast, one of the MFM fellows came strolling in.
MFM:  Hi Mrs. Horn.  How are you this morning?  Any problems during the night?
Me:  I am fine thank you, and no problems last night.
MFM:  Any bleeding? contractions? leaking of fluid?
Me: No, some contractions but they were my fault for not staying hydrated.
MFM:  Okay, and cramping or nausea?  Headaches? Spots or blurred vision?
Me:  Nope.
MFM:  Any pain in your legs?  Any swelling in your feet?
Me: Not really.
MFM: Okay.  (she turns to walk away)
Me:  Oh excuse me?  I was told yesterday that since I am 32 weeks I would be reevaluated or at least have my cervix checked again.
MFM:  (looking at her chart) yes I heard about that in rounds this morning, but I wasn't here when that decision was made so I need to follow up.  Okay.  We will be back.
Me:  Okay.

I was feeling a little discouraged and felt as though I wouldn't be able to get reevaluated.  I thought I'd just be shrugged off.
A little while later, the Resident came in (again. THAT one).  She asked me if anyone had come in to do a cervical check.  I told her no.  She said she would follow up with it.

After I finished eating and called to complain to Mikey about how hot the room was, MFM came in.  She said that it was cervical check time.
I used the facilities and said a silent prayer for no change or at least a manageable change.
YOUCH!!!!!   Cervical exams are NOT fun.  Especially when pregnant.
The doctor told me I was 1 centimeter dilated and about 50% effaced.  She also told me that my cervix was posterior, as opposed to anterior.  I didn't understand what that meant so I asked her.  Apparently posterior is better because it means labor isn't close.  After she explained the difference, she told me that she would discuss my results with the MFMs and perhaps I could come home.  I nodded silently.

I called both my mother and my husband and explained to them the recent events.  As I was on the phone with either my mom or Mikey, the nurse came in.  I told whoever I was speaking with that I would call them back after I knew something.  The nurse looked at me and said "Aww, I bet you were making happy phone calls!"  I looked at her like she had lobsters crawling out of her ears.  I had no idea what she was talking about so I asked her what she meant by 'happy phone calls'.  She said "I heard the doctors and I think they are going to send you home".  I was shocked. One reason being that the doctors themselves didn't tell me anything, and the second being that I was prepared mentally to stay throughout the duration of my pregnancy.

As my nurse and I were talking, the MFM came in.  The nurse apologized for spilling the beans a little and was worried that she had given me false information.  The doctor agreed that it was weird since she hadn't officially spoken to me.  So the nurse excused herself and left the doctor and I to chat.

The doctor told me that I would be going home.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was SHOCKED.  Like literally.  In fact, I cried a little and explained to her that I couldn't leave just yet because Mikey wouldn't be able to get off work until later in the evening.  She told me that she wouldn't kick me out of bed and I could stay as long as I needed.  I was so happy but at the same time super apprehensive.  So I asked her if any patient had ever refused to be sent home.  She said that there have been patients that were given the option and chose to stay, but that was not the case for me.  I don't have contractions, I don't require medicine for either contractions or blood pressure, I am not diabetic, etc.  I am completely healthy with a short cervix that is now only slightly dilated.  We then discussed where I would be continuing my prenatal care--at the original hospital, or Incubation Station. It was a tough decision since I love my OBs from Arlington Hospital, but I hadn't seen them in weeks and I was under the care of doctors that knew every single thing about the last 8 weeks.  So I switched to Inova Fairfax's MFM group.  They are the ones who I see each and every morning.  As soon as this is done, I will go back to my original doctors at Arlington and continue my GYN care.  And who knows.. Maybe OB care again someday.

As soon as I got the news and stopped crying, I called Mikey.  He was also in shock.  We hadn't even planned on the reality that I would be going home.  Every time we discussed it,  it was kind of hypothetical scenarios that never went anywhere because neither of us thought it would happen.  Both my mom and mother-in-law were shocked as well.  In fact, too shocked to seem happy--just indifferent.  I know they were happy, it just took everyone by surprise.  Everyone had agreed that I would be staying with my mother in law for the duration of my bed rest.  She only lives 10-15 minutes from the hospital and there are only 5 steps I need to go up to get to the room where I am staying. Additionally, my sister in law would be home from college and would be around if I needed anything.  I wouldn't be alone completely.   I do miss my cats and my townhouse, but we have too many steps to climb up!
The rest of the day was a blur.  I just kept imagining waking up from this exciting dream.  And I also tried to imagine how the hell I was going to get 8 weeks worth of stuff out of the hospital room!

At around 5:45, Mikey showed up and began breaking down Incubation Station.  I wrote thank you cards to my favorite nurses.  At about 7:00pm and after several trips to the car, the process was officially over.  I was wheeled out of my room and left to the real world.  I hugged my nurses, handed out cards and got teary eyed.  I cried because I was so happy but so scared at the same time.  My 8 week security blanket was being removed.  I didn't know what life was like outside of the hospital room.  I didn't even have a coat!  Mikey gave me his. I was wheeled out and of the High Risk Perinatal Unit and rolled outside.  I remember thinking the December air felt magnificent.  I was in a stuffy room for all those weeks and I was finally feeling the wind and cool air.  I teared up a little.

When I got into the car with Mikey it felt like I was from another planet.  It was so strange, yet so soothing.  As we drove away I couldn't help but feel like I was leaving a huge part of me.  A part of me that despite my hating and complaining about, really changed me.  I asked Mikey to drive around his mother's neighborhood so we could look at the Christmas lights.  We turned on the 24/6 Holiday music station and looked at the lights.  He held my hand and we discussed how glad we were to be reunited and how much we love and missed each other.  He told me that it hadn't felt like Christmas yet and that the holidays seemed silly without me, but now that I am home, it finally feels right.  (I am pretty sure this ruins his cool cred)

I have spent one night here in my new Incubation Station.  I had a hard time sleeping since I was so shocked, but also because I was in a real bed as opposed to a hospital inflatable bed.  And so far today has been pretty ho-hum.  But I have moments where I still can't wrap my head around this.  It all happened so fast!  The whole 8 weeks happened quickly.  And now I am feeling like I am...missing the hospital?  I miss the safety.  I miss knowing that no matter what, someone would be there.  I also kind of feel weird that my mother in law and sister in law have waited on me today.  It's so not like me and very nursing home-esque.  I keep thinking that they aren't really doing it for me only, but the girls too.

So now I will be confined to my room at the new Incubation Station until I deliver.  I have a doctors appointment next Wednesday to see how the girls are doing and to possibly discuss an eviction date.  Yes, gentle readers, there isn't a whole lot of time left!  I predict somewhere in the next 3-5 weeks we may be meeting our little ballerinas.

Pregnancy is difficult, messy, dangerous, beautiful and humbling.  I have learned that no, I don't have the glow and yes I was blessed with weight gain, heart burn and stretch marks.  I have learned that if I don't listen to my body, there could be trouble. But more importantly: I have learned how to be a mother.  I've spent 8 weeks protecting the girls--a mere, teeny, tiny fraction of how long I'll spend protecting them.  I know it isn't over yet and I will continue to protect them.

I am utterly thankful for my doctors at Arlington Hospital who rushed me to Inova Fairfax Hospital when they knew something was wrong.  I am thankful for the amazing doctors at Fairfax who kept me informed and safe.  And lastly, I am thankful for the nurses.  These women work 12 hour shifts and are amazing.  Anything I needed, they helped with without hesitation.  Hug a nurse--if you know one.

And that concludes my story about my journey of hospital bed rest.  Now, I am just an average bed ridden lady at home.  I will keep you all updated and will keep this going.  It's therapeutic.  I hope everyone has a very happy Christmashanukwazakah!!! I will post on 12/26/2012 for an update!

Love,
Johanna and two eager ballerinas who are still practicing their pirouettes safely inside.  Just gestatin'.    

Which Way is Which?!

Gentle readers,

'Twas the night before 32 and all through the room

Not a creature was upset or feeling any gloom

The air conditioner may have shut down during the night

Causing the patient in 626 to sweat from left to right 

The resident doctor came in to bear good news 

However, her assessment seemed to only confuse

Progesterone was prescribed super late in the game

And her overall reasoning seemed pretty lame

The patient requested the MFMs all by their names

"It doesn't matter who! I need a second opinion just the same!"

But I heard the doctor exclaim as he dashed out of sight 

"You won't be needing progesterone every night!"

I sometimes have creative moments..  But my story didn't require the entire Clement C. Moore poem. But alas let me elaborate.

I am a day shy of 32 weeks!  Another milestone within my reach.  Today also marks my 8th week at Incubation Station.  8 weeks!!! Doesn't that sound insane?!?  My OB didn't think I'd make it this far.  It's not over yet, but I can actually 'almost' see the end of my pregnancy.  Life at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.  

(By the way, that phrase "light at the end of the tunnel" is an exact metaphor for a child being born..  I wonder if that's where it originated from)

Anyway, I am so proud of the girls' progress. As much as I complain about bed rest, I cannot imagine what would have happened if 8 weeks ago, I shrugged off seeing parts of my plug and didn't do anything about it.  I am so glad they've hung in there!

So the last week was slightly monotonous, except for the return of my husband from Germany 

and seeing my godparents.  I did manage to knit two baby hats!  I've never knit anything before, so I am so proud of myself.  Knitting was something I've always wanted to do, but never had the opportunity to do.  Or the patience.  Now I find it therapeutic and I have all the time in the world.  

This week has started off great.  Page and Brian brought Mikey and I breakfast on Sunday morning. It was delicious!  Bagels from the outside!  Then, my hairdresser came in and cut my hair!  I look like myself (sorta) now and I was thrilled to actually feel human like.  

Yesterday was nice too!  I had a good visit with my mom and then a good visit with mother in law and hubby.  

Now for today's a.m. shenanigans..

For some reason, my sleep has been wonky lately.  I can't sleep long enough and I am easily disturbed from slumber and not able to go back to sleep.  So at 6:00am, after being given my medicine, I couldn't go back to sleep.  I heard weird noises from my air conditioning unit and thought nothing of it, until it was completely silent.  Great, I am pregnant and this room is stuffy.  Bad combo! I figured I'd call maintenance when it got later.  Around 6:45, the resident came in--yes, THAT one.  She gave me the run down of what I can look forward to this week.  She told me I'd be starting progesterone nightly from now on.  She explained that my cervix is short (no shit, Sherlock) and that progesterone helps elongate cervical length and can close the cervix.  To me, that's not new.  My OB at home placed me on progesterone when my dynamic cervix was discovered and I was initially put on home bed rest.  But when I got to Incubation Station, the MFMs (maternal fetal medicine docs--aka high risk pregnancy doctors) said it wasn't necessary to continue the progesterone because I was already dilated.  So I let it go.  

After 7 weeks, the resident assumed it would be helpful.  At 6:45, my thoughts aren't so cohesive and I can't react immediately.  I needed time to process and think about questions. When the MFM came in, I expressed my confusion in being prescribed progesterone from the resident. The MFM again told me it was pointless to take it.  He thought it was weird and said that progesterone isn't prescribed after 28 weeks and it really isn't helpful for twin pregnancies.  Now, I am sure the resident was trying to be helpful, but let's been honest, she's made one or two errors regarding my situation (hello?  Remember The Battle of the Bulging Membranes?!) so I take her words with a grain of salt. 

The MFM then told me I'd have my cervix measured tomorrow, and I'll have a sonogram.  I think it's reevaluating time!!  Now, I am not going to be naive or anything.  But how awesome would it be if nothing changed and I am still 1.5cm dilated and 75% effaced?!  Maybe home is in my future!  The MFM said no guarantees, but at least I'll have answers--will I get discharged? Or how long will I be here for before the girls are delivered?  

Now, to play devils advocate a little:  I potentially have 4-5 weeks left.  I guess it wouldn't be the end of the world if I couldn't go home.  I am a compliant patient, but I am losing my patience.  And I am sad I am missing the holidays..  But then there's the voice of reason--holidays come each year and the memories will be so amazing next year when the girls come.  Like I always say, a catch-22.

I really hope for good news tomorrow!  I'll write again and update.  

Peace out cub scouts...

Johanna 

Dear god it's hot in here... Ugh.

 

Oh nothing, just gestating...

 Good evening ye gentle readers,

Another manic Monday has passed.  It was filled with crazy shenanigans!  

Well, at least I imagine it was.  Hopefully you all had a good Monday!  

Things here have been stable and quiet.  But, I'd be happy to fill you in on what's been shakin' at Incubation Station.

My last entry I wrote included a possibility of home. The resident doctor who told me there was a chance, took back her thoughts on convincing the MFMs to discharge me.  Apparently she saw my chart and told me I had two problems.  (Only two?!). Anyway, she said that I had 1) a short cervix that is dilated and 2) bulging membranes.  

The Battle of the Bulging Membranes

Upon my admission to the first hospital, I was told that membranes were visible.  After I was transferred to L&D at my now Incubation Station, placed on magnesium sulfate placed in a position where I was as far on my head as possible--a big wig MFM examined me.  I was told that all those little tricks and medical interventions helped gravity take course and my membranes moved away from my cervix.  However, the residents and fellows kept claiming I had bulging membranes.  So I finally asked one nurse to check my chart and let me know the real scoop.  Apparently, they were looking at the notes from my admission and not the most up to date info.  That same nurse told me to not listen to residents.  Especially ones who aren't interested in high risk pregnancies or OB/GYN, 

but have to do 6 weeks of it as part of their rotations.  Basically a resident doctor hoping to specialize in family medicine has been giving me information and false hope.  

So whether or not I go home is still a mystery.  I ask each MFM if they think I can be reevaluated and possibly discharged between 32-34weeks.  Each of them have different opinions and thoughts about my condition.  I hate it.  I get that I have no cervix and that I am dilated a teeny bit.  But most normal expectant mothers begin to dilate and their cervical length diminish around 34weeks gestation.  So why can't I be part of the normal club?  I know I am stomping my foot like a baby, and when I think of what could happen if the girls come early--my heart sinks.  I want healthy babies.  Ugh, such a catch-22.

Now despite all this bulging membrane business, I had an amazing sonogram done last week!  The girls are weighing 3lbs each!!! Their weight is fantastic!  And the resident (grrrr!!) told me that most twins are different in weights and she was surprised that they were the same.  Especially being fraternal.  So that was good to hear.  Clearly they are growing because I am getting bigger too!  Hellooooo stretch marks!!!

Despite my marks and obvious weight gain, my special friend Page and her friend Erin came to see me and we had a really great visit!  Erin brought her snazzy camera and took some lovely pictures of me. It felt amazing to look like a human being and to STAND!!  Now, I am still critical because I didn't wear enough makeup--just mascara, but hopefully they will be back and I can increase the eye makeup and do my usual!  It really meant a lot to me.  I can't fully express the gratitude.  Page is truly special and I am glad I got to meet Erin.  

My dear Mikey has been in Germany and I was feeling blue yesterday afternoon when all of a sudden, I get a package and cards from the volunteers downstairs in the hospital.  It was from some of the moms in my February 2013 Mom Facebook group! I had complained about missing the holidays and the winter season and they brought cheer to me.  These are women that I have never met, but have discussed pregnancy woes with.  I was touched and it really lifted my spirits.  These women are fantastic and I am beyond grateful! :)

So to sum it up, I am here and still pregnant.  Just hanging out and gestating.  No big deal.  Thanks for reading along with me.  Have a good day everyone!

OH--if you wanna see a bump photo, here's a little collage.  Obviously the Christmas tree picture is the most recent.  And apparently I used to stand, wear makeup and brush my hair!