Journey back 4 weeks and then some

Well well well.  Where exactly do I start?  I guess the most logical place is from the beginning.. So here we go.

My name is Johanna and I am 27 years old.  I am married to the love of my life of 11.5 years, Mikey. Mikey and I have been married for 2.5 years and couldn't be happier.  We have a lovely townhouse together and two really obnoxious cats, Jake and Patrick.  Now that you know all that, I am really going to get started!

In August 2011, Mikey and I decided that we were ready to take the next step and begin trying for a family.  Both of us were solvent and things seemed to be in our favor.  We had always wanted children and knew that once we established ourselves financially and maritally, we would start a family.  After a bout of heartache and a diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), Mikey and I were pregnant in June 2012!

That first pregnancy test was so thrilling.  We were so happy that we had conceived! I went in for my first blood test on June 9th to confirm pregnancy.  My hCG levels (that's the pregnancy hormone) were at 597.  I thought to myself, "wow, that's pretty high", but immediately ignored it because hCG levels vary so much.  But Mikey and I definitely discussed the possibility of multiples!  Two days later I had another blood draw and my numbers had doubled to 1173.  Two days after that, I had another blood draw and I was at 2380.  I was so excited!  My numbers were perfect and I was ready for my very first sonogram.  We were going to have a baby February 14, 2013!

Mikey and I had our first sonogram a week or so later.  Mikey was a little out of it since he had just come back from a bachelor party in Las Vegas and he took the red-eye home.  The sonogram began.  My doctor looked around and finally said "It looks like someone is having twins".  It was said as nonchalantly as "Oh, we're having meatloaf for dinner". Mikey and I freeze.  WHAT?!?!?  The doctor said "Yup, see there are two sacs and fetal poles.  That means that they are fraternal".  WHAT?!?? Then he added "But don't go painting your nursery two different colors.  One twin may disappear.  It's called Vanishing Twin Syndrome".  WHAT??!??  First we are told we are pregnant with twins and now one will be disappearing?  Where will it go?  Is that safe and okay?  Yikes!  So Mikey and I mosey home and call our immediate family to share the good news.  We were happy with the idea of twins once the initial shock wore off.

When we found out gender, we were so happy the babies were healthy.  Hooray for TWO GIRLS!!  Mikey wanted one to be a boy.  He even asked the sonogram technician whether or not one baby just had a really small penis, or testicles that hadn't descended.  Sonogram tech didn't laugh all that hard. But he immediately took to the idea of a household filled with estrogen.  We did panic when we realized that these girls would some day be 13..

My pregnancy was pretty ho-hum and boring at first.  I had minor morning sickness and I had zero energy and slept a lot.  I craved chips and salsa and anything vinegary.  Nothing averted or no bizarre cravings.  October 19th, at 23 weeks and 2 days, we had a standard doctor appointment and my glucose/gestational diabetes test.  I drank the sugary ickness and had my blood drawn.  Then it was sonogram time!  Well, we first double checked that the babes were still girls.  Still girls.  Phew.  Everything looked great.  Their weights were lovely and they were measuring right on schedule.  Now it was time to check my cervix.  Fun fun fun!

While the sonogram technician was checking, she said things looked great.  I wasn't dilated and the length of my cervix was good.  I must have shifted in a weird way, because the next thing I knew I was asked to bear pressure on my cervix.  So I did a sit up motion (which, by the way, was difficult since I hadn't done any sort of exercise in months.  And I was huge).  Mikey looked at the screen and said "uhh, is her cervix supposed to do that??"  And the technician replied "No.  But look how it changed when you laid back down.  Looks like you'll be laying down for a very long time".  Panic set it.  Oh dear god.  Bed rest.  The two words that haunt moms of multiples.  My OB came in to discuss what this meant.  My cervix was dynamic, meaning it changed lengths pretty often.  I would be confined to bed and I'd need to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist (aka high-risk doctor).  But, maybe with medicine and rest, my cervix would stabilize and I'd be mobile again.  I cried.  I cried a lot.

I told my boss and began my life as a bed ridden person.  I was at home and I was beginning to do all sorts of crafty things.  I was going to knit, crochet and cross stitch. My dear friend and singing group had visited me! It was going to be okay!  Tuesday, October 23rd, things changed big time.  I was hanging around at home and felt tired and pressure.  I slept a good chunk of the day and resided in our bedroom.  I wasn't comfortable on the couch and I was feeling weird.  I finally showered and I noticed that something was off.  I was seeing (SPOILER--THIS MAY BE GROSS!!) what appeared to be my mucus plug.  I started crying and called my mom and Mikey.  I thought maybe I was overreacting and that what I was seeing wasn't my plug so I needed my mom to reassure me and Mikey to tell me I was being an insane and unreasonable woman.

I called my doctor and waited (aka cried a lot) for her to call me back.  She did.  I explained to her what I saw and she told me if I saw more of it, I needed to go to Labor and Delivery at the hospital.  I told her that I had seen the same thing twice and she advised me to head to Labor and Delivery.  I called Mikey and my mother and Mikey told me he was on his way to meet me at the hospital and my mom drove me.  I was a mess.  I didn't know what I needed to bring, so I took my wallet, car keys and my Kindle.

I arrived at Labor and Delivery and I was put in a wheel chair and wheeled to a room where both my OBs met with me.  I was examined and after mumbling and "Oh crap" faces, I knew something was wrong.  With my mom at my side and Mikey holding my hand, we were told that I was dilated and effaced and there were bulging membranes.  My doctor said "you are in labor and we are going to do all we can to stop it".  I went in to shock because I was hot and nauseous all at once.  I cried hysterically.  My doctors told me that I would be ambulanced to another hospital with a better NICU but they wanted to start me on steroid shots and an IV drip of antibiotics and magnesium sulfate.  For those that don't know, magnesium sulfate is a medicine that not only stops labor, but it is said to help strengthen the neurological functioning for the babies.  One also cannot eat or drink on the magnesium. Not cool.  I was also hooked up to a contraction monitor and I had dopplers on my stomach to measure the girls' heart rates.

With the IV fully pumping me with tons of medicine and my love handles sore from the steroid shot, I was given a catheter as well.  Holy crap.  That hurt so much.  My OBs and various doctors came in to check my reflexes and draw blood to make sure the magnesium wasn't making me toxic.  Around 10:00ish, a neonatologist came in to discuss with Mikey and I the viability of our little angels.  Dr. Grim basically told us that we were on the brink of viability outside of the womb and that the girls only had a 50/50 chance of survival.  He also told us that if the girls did survive, there could be significant physical and neurological disabilities.  Then he added that they would be intubated and if things were not progressing, we would need to think about a DNR.  I was speechless.  Tears were just welling in my eyes.  Never had I heard such shitty news! Mikey held my hand and told me it would be okay and that if worse came to worse, we could always try again.  My heart was breaking.

I made it through the night at the first hospital and then I was transferred by ambulance to my now Incubation Station. I still had to reside in Labor and Delivery and was still attached to the magnesium.  The rest of the day was a blur and the effects of the magnesium were really kicking in.  The things I do remember are dream like.  I know I begged for water, and I was only allowed ice chips.  I also remember meeting another neonatologist who gave Mikey and I better news.  I was so out of it I can't tell you exactly what was said, but I think he told us we had a better chance of survival at this hospital.  I also had another sonogram.  Babies were measuring fine and their weights were good.  I was in and out of consciousness so I can't say exactly what they looked like or what the sonogram tech said.  My mother in law came to visit and I don't remember a thing.  She claims we had full on conversations, but I can't recall any of them.  Night time came and I started to get sick.  I threw up all over myself and poor Mikey went to find a nurse who had to clean me up, change my linens.  Good news is I got to brush my teeth for the first time since the morning before.  The nurse took my blood and it turns out I was toxic from the magnesium and I needed to stop taking it for a bit.  The rest of the night was uneventful. Although, I did get quite the chuckle when I asked Mikey if he wanted a heated blanket and he responded sleepily with "Of course I am going to hang out with Elana and Elizabeth!"  I asked my nurse if I heard what I thought I heard and she heard it too.

After an awful 48 hours, I was off the magnesium and I was given the go ahead to eat.  Best. News. EVER!  I had pancakes.  They were delicious.  I was then transferred from Labor and Delivery to the High Risk Perinatal unit.  I was still 70% effaced and 1.5cm dilated, but the storm had passed.  I was to be confined to my room at Incubation Station for the duration of my pregnancy.

Here  I am today, and I have made it almost a month here.  I am 28 weeks pregnant and the viability of the babies outside the womb is like 90%.  I am confident and ready to make it to 35 weeks.  These babies aren't going anywhere right now.  I appreciate how much they want to know their awesome parents, but we aren't ready!  I know I am giving up my mobility and overall 'freedom' by laying here, but I'd rather give up moments of my time so I can have a life time with my girls.  I love them so much and I want them to be healthy and perfect.  And they will be.