Good afternoon! I hope you all had a nice holiday-whatever that holiday may be!
It's amazing how slowly the week progresses after the holidays. I swear yesterday and today have been eons! But regardless of how slow it seems, I've had a pretty spectacular week.
As you know, I was discharged from Incubation Station at Inova Fairfax Hospital and I was sent to my mother in laws house. It's been a great experience to be a human and out of the hospital. I still feel weird here. I don't like being waited on or being an inconvenience. I still feel kinda like a gelatinous blob that is taking up space in this house. I am so not productive and all I manage to do is lay here. But it's a good thing, I suppose! It could be a lot worse.
Another tough thing is managing my weight and lack of muscle tone up the few steps I go up. I've never been one to just not move or exercise. In fact, I spent hours at the gym weekly prior to my pregnancy. The only reason I stopped exercising was because I was so unbelievably tired and couldn't keep my eyes open when I got home from work each day. That and my favorite kickboxing instructor was leaving. And then I had borderline placenta previa (the placenta moves too close to the cervix) and was afraid to move. Excuses excuses. I get it. I'll be back to my exercising self when the ballerinas come. Mommy jogging with a stroller--here I come!
I digress.
Anyway, the days after my discharge from the hospital were pretty boring at first. I did get a visit from my mother and 4/6 missing Euphonism members (my amazing a cappella group). I reeeeeallly wanted to see my group. It was really special. It's funny, when you spend 4+ hours a week with a singing group, you completely miss it. The routine changes and it feels strange. We had an awesome visit.
Mikey and his sister spent the evenings working on recreating the Star Wars gingerbread AT-AT walker that you may have seen floating around Facebook or whatever. I got to lay on the couch near them, but not actually participate. It's bittersweet because in October, Mikey and I discussed building it together. I really enjoy baking with Mikey. One of my favorite memories was being snowed in with him and we cooked Star Wars sugar cookies and decorated them. It was fun! There's next year. I'll be a baking machine. So domestic-like with my apron, two gorgeous daughters and flour sprinkled across my face. Ahh, perfect!!
And of course, evenings consisted of the rest of the family going to the mall for last minute Christmas shopping. I can honestly say I miss that hustle and bustle of shopping, the crowded stores, feverish wrapping and keeping secrets. Again, next year will be even better! Mikey and I get to do that AND take our girls to see Santa. I cannot wait for that!
Christmas Eve came and I spent all day in bed so I could walk down some steps and visit with people during the Shekmar/Horn annual Christmas party. My mom and stepdad came over to exchange presents with Mikey and I. It was really nice visiting with them and opening presents. Mikey and I got some really nice things! The main gift was the washing machine we were given right when I ended up in the hospital. Everything was smooth sailing until I started contracting. And the contractions led to me panicking and kinda crying. I think I made my mom and stepdad uncomfortable because I was so upset and Mikey made me chug 3-4 bottles of water. I know I've said it multiple times: water is so important! But ya know, I slip sometimes. Anyway, my parents left and Mikey made me go upstairs to lay down until the party started. I wanted to be right next to the bathroom because honestly, 3-4 bottles of water meant I was peeing every few minutes. But the contractions stopped and I was fine to come downstairs and see everyone. The party was great! I laid on the couch and visited with friends and ate. It felt really nice to dress up and visit in a setting that wasn't the hospital!
One of my favorite parts of Christmas Eve is watching the cars and tons of families drive by the house to see the decoration. Mikey works so hard to make his house magical each year and it pays off. The lights bring joy to so many and I love seeing the flashes from the camera and seeing children's eyes in awe of the beauty. We even had carolers come by and sing! It was amazing!!
Christmas morning came and it was amazing. So many lovely gifts. I was sad not to spend it with my family, but I was afraid to go out and shuffle around too much. Mikey and I got toys and things for the girls, including the twin bassinet pack and play! It's the first of the baby "nursery" objects. I received a lovely necklace from Mikey and some clothes for when I am back to my non-pregnant self. Susan, Alex, Victoria and Mikey had lovely Christmases as well.
The doctor gave me permission to go to my grandparents house for Christmas dinner. Their house is 5 minutes from where I am now and there were no stairs for me to climb. There are stairs, but they have one of those electronic chairs that carry people up to the next floor. It was kind of humiliating, but helpful. I didn't have to worry about the steps and I wasn't separated from my family. I missed everyone so much. I didn't get to spend thanksgiving with them and this made up for it.
After dinner, Mikey drove me to our townhouse. I got to walk inside and lay on the bottom floor couch and visit with our stupid cats, Jake and Patrick. It was one of thee best presents. I had missed home so much and I missed the cats. They didn't forget me! :)
Yesterday morning, Mikey and I braved the inclement weather and headed for our appointment. I had a 25 minute NST (non-stress test: monitoring the girls' heartbeats for 25 minutes and seeing accelerations and decelerations and back to baseline). After the NST, we had a sonogram. It was the absolute best sonogram we have had to date! The girls were gorgeous!!! I got to see both of them in perfect 4-D! Mikey was thrilled at how beautiful they looked. When the sonogram was done, we had a follow up with one of the MFMs. We discussed an eviction date.. We will schedule a C Section at the next appointment! AND I was told I could possibly be placed on modified bed rest. Modified bed rest means HOME!! I'll be 34 weeks next week and at that point the doctors don't really try to stop labor.
I can't wait until next week's appointment. I'll get another sonogram and I'll find out about modified bed rest. It will be amazing.
That's all I have for you readers! Thanks for all your support and for reading my story. And for those this applies to: congratulations on the engagements and pregnancy announcements! It's so exciting to see life continuing!!
I will follow up next week. But in the meantime: I wish you and yours a healthy and happy 2013!!
Johanna
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
"I'm on my way.. I'm on my way. Home Sweet Home"
Be honest. That song is now totally stuck in your head!
Today you can find me with a much happier attitude and outlook.
Why you ask?!?
Allow me to explain.
I posted on the eve of my 32nd week. I had mentioned that I was told I would be reevaluated at 32 weeks. Anyway, yesterday morning I woke up pretty early and after I ordered breakfast, one of the MFM fellows came strolling in.
MFM: Hi Mrs. Horn. How are you this morning? Any problems during the night?
Me: I am fine thank you, and no problems last night.
MFM: Any bleeding? contractions? leaking of fluid?
Me: No, some contractions but they were my fault for not staying hydrated.
MFM: Okay, and cramping or nausea? Headaches? Spots or blurred vision?
Me: Nope.
MFM: Any pain in your legs? Any swelling in your feet?
Me: Not really.
MFM: Okay. (she turns to walk away)
Me: Oh excuse me? I was told yesterday that since I am 32 weeks I would be reevaluated or at least have my cervix checked again.
MFM: (looking at her chart) yes I heard about that in rounds this morning, but I wasn't here when that decision was made so I need to follow up. Okay. We will be back.
Me: Okay.
I was feeling a little discouraged and felt as though I wouldn't be able to get reevaluated. I thought I'd just be shrugged off.
A little while later, the Resident came in (again. THAT one). She asked me if anyone had come in to do a cervical check. I told her no. She said she would follow up with it.
After I finished eating and called to complain to Mikey about how hot the room was, MFM came in. She said that it was cervical check time.
I used the facilities and said a silent prayer for no change or at least a manageable change.
YOUCH!!!!! Cervical exams are NOT fun. Especially when pregnant.
The doctor told me I was 1 centimeter dilated and about 50% effaced. She also told me that my cervix was posterior, as opposed to anterior. I didn't understand what that meant so I asked her. Apparently posterior is better because it means labor isn't close. After she explained the difference, she told me that she would discuss my results with the MFMs and perhaps I could come home. I nodded silently.
I called both my mother and my husband and explained to them the recent events. As I was on the phone with either my mom or Mikey, the nurse came in. I told whoever I was speaking with that I would call them back after I knew something. The nurse looked at me and said "Aww, I bet you were making happy phone calls!" I looked at her like she had lobsters crawling out of her ears. I had no idea what she was talking about so I asked her what she meant by 'happy phone calls'. She said "I heard the doctors and I think they are going to send you home". I was shocked. One reason being that the doctors themselves didn't tell me anything, and the second being that I was prepared mentally to stay throughout the duration of my pregnancy.
As my nurse and I were talking, the MFM came in. The nurse apologized for spilling the beans a little and was worried that she had given me false information. The doctor agreed that it was weird since she hadn't officially spoken to me. So the nurse excused herself and left the doctor and I to chat.
The doctor told me that I would be going home.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was SHOCKED. Like literally. In fact, I cried a little and explained to her that I couldn't leave just yet because Mikey wouldn't be able to get off work until later in the evening. She told me that she wouldn't kick me out of bed and I could stay as long as I needed. I was so happy but at the same time super apprehensive. So I asked her if any patient had ever refused to be sent home. She said that there have been patients that were given the option and chose to stay, but that was not the case for me. I don't have contractions, I don't require medicine for either contractions or blood pressure, I am not diabetic, etc. I am completely healthy with a short cervix that is now only slightly dilated. We then discussed where I would be continuing my prenatal care--at the original hospital, or Incubation Station. It was a tough decision since I love my OBs from Arlington Hospital, but I hadn't seen them in weeks and I was under the care of doctors that knew every single thing about the last 8 weeks. So I switched to Inova Fairfax's MFM group. They are the ones who I see each and every morning. As soon as this is done, I will go back to my original doctors at Arlington and continue my GYN care. And who knows.. Maybe OB care again someday.
As soon as I got the news and stopped crying, I called Mikey. He was also in shock. We hadn't even planned on the reality that I would be going home. Every time we discussed it, it was kind of hypothetical scenarios that never went anywhere because neither of us thought it would happen. Both my mom and mother-in-law were shocked as well. In fact, too shocked to seem happy--just indifferent. I know they were happy, it just took everyone by surprise. Everyone had agreed that I would be staying with my mother in law for the duration of my bed rest. She only lives 10-15 minutes from the hospital and there are only 5 steps I need to go up to get to the room where I am staying. Additionally, my sister in law would be home from college and would be around if I needed anything. I wouldn't be alone completely. I do miss my cats and my townhouse, but we have too many steps to climb up!
The rest of the day was a blur. I just kept imagining waking up from this exciting dream. And I also tried to imagine how the hell I was going to get 8 weeks worth of stuff out of the hospital room!
At around 5:45, Mikey showed up and began breaking down Incubation Station. I wrote thank you cards to my favorite nurses. At about 7:00pm and after several trips to the car, the process was officially over. I was wheeled out of my room and left to the real world. I hugged my nurses, handed out cards and got teary eyed. I cried because I was so happy but so scared at the same time. My 8 week security blanket was being removed. I didn't know what life was like outside of the hospital room. I didn't even have a coat! Mikey gave me his. I was wheeled out and of the High Risk Perinatal Unit and rolled outside. I remember thinking the December air felt magnificent. I was in a stuffy room for all those weeks and I was finally feeling the wind and cool air. I teared up a little.
When I got into the car with Mikey it felt like I was from another planet. It was so strange, yet so soothing. As we drove away I couldn't help but feel like I was leaving a huge part of me. A part of me that despite my hating and complaining about, really changed me. I asked Mikey to drive around his mother's neighborhood so we could look at the Christmas lights. We turned on the 24/6 Holiday music station and looked at the lights. He held my hand and we discussed how glad we were to be reunited and how much we love and missed each other. He told me that it hadn't felt like Christmas yet and that the holidays seemed silly without me, but now that I am home, it finally feels right. (I am pretty sure this ruins his cool cred)
I have spent one night here in my new Incubation Station. I had a hard time sleeping since I was so shocked, but also because I was in a real bed as opposed to a hospital inflatable bed. And so far today has been pretty ho-hum. But I have moments where I still can't wrap my head around this. It all happened so fast! The whole 8 weeks happened quickly. And now I am feeling like I am...missing the hospital? I miss the safety. I miss knowing that no matter what, someone would be there. I also kind of feel weird that my mother in law and sister in law have waited on me today. It's so not like me and very nursing home-esque. I keep thinking that they aren't really doing it for me only, but the girls too.
So now I will be confined to my room at the new Incubation Station until I deliver. I have a doctors appointment next Wednesday to see how the girls are doing and to possibly discuss an eviction date. Yes, gentle readers, there isn't a whole lot of time left! I predict somewhere in the next 3-5 weeks we may be meeting our little ballerinas.
Pregnancy is difficult, messy, dangerous, beautiful and humbling. I have learned that no, I don't have the glow and yes I was blessed with weight gain, heart burn and stretch marks. I have learned that if I don't listen to my body, there could be trouble. But more importantly: I have learned how to be a mother. I've spent 8 weeks protecting the girls--a mere, teeny, tiny fraction of how long I'll spend protecting them. I know it isn't over yet and I will continue to protect them.
I am utterly thankful for my doctors at Arlington Hospital who rushed me to Inova Fairfax Hospital when they knew something was wrong. I am thankful for the amazing doctors at Fairfax who kept me informed and safe. And lastly, I am thankful for the nurses. These women work 12 hour shifts and are amazing. Anything I needed, they helped with without hesitation. Hug a nurse--if you know one.
And that concludes my story about my journey of hospital bed rest. Now, I am just an average bed ridden lady at home. I will keep you all updated and will keep this going. It's therapeutic. I hope everyone has a very happy Christmashanukwazakah!!! I will post on 12/26/2012 for an update!
Love,
Johanna and two eager ballerinas who are still practicing their pirouettes safely inside. Just gestatin'.
Today you can find me with a much happier attitude and outlook.
Why you ask?!?
Allow me to explain.
I posted on the eve of my 32nd week. I had mentioned that I was told I would be reevaluated at 32 weeks. Anyway, yesterday morning I woke up pretty early and after I ordered breakfast, one of the MFM fellows came strolling in.
MFM: Hi Mrs. Horn. How are you this morning? Any problems during the night?
Me: I am fine thank you, and no problems last night.
MFM: Any bleeding? contractions? leaking of fluid?
Me: No, some contractions but they were my fault for not staying hydrated.
MFM: Okay, and cramping or nausea? Headaches? Spots or blurred vision?
Me: Nope.
MFM: Any pain in your legs? Any swelling in your feet?
Me: Not really.
MFM: Okay. (she turns to walk away)
Me: Oh excuse me? I was told yesterday that since I am 32 weeks I would be reevaluated or at least have my cervix checked again.
MFM: (looking at her chart) yes I heard about that in rounds this morning, but I wasn't here when that decision was made so I need to follow up. Okay. We will be back.
Me: Okay.
I was feeling a little discouraged and felt as though I wouldn't be able to get reevaluated. I thought I'd just be shrugged off.
A little while later, the Resident came in (again. THAT one). She asked me if anyone had come in to do a cervical check. I told her no. She said she would follow up with it.
After I finished eating and called to complain to Mikey about how hot the room was, MFM came in. She said that it was cervical check time.
I used the facilities and said a silent prayer for no change or at least a manageable change.
YOUCH!!!!! Cervical exams are NOT fun. Especially when pregnant.
The doctor told me I was 1 centimeter dilated and about 50% effaced. She also told me that my cervix was posterior, as opposed to anterior. I didn't understand what that meant so I asked her. Apparently posterior is better because it means labor isn't close. After she explained the difference, she told me that she would discuss my results with the MFMs and perhaps I could come home. I nodded silently.
I called both my mother and my husband and explained to them the recent events. As I was on the phone with either my mom or Mikey, the nurse came in. I told whoever I was speaking with that I would call them back after I knew something. The nurse looked at me and said "Aww, I bet you were making happy phone calls!" I looked at her like she had lobsters crawling out of her ears. I had no idea what she was talking about so I asked her what she meant by 'happy phone calls'. She said "I heard the doctors and I think they are going to send you home". I was shocked. One reason being that the doctors themselves didn't tell me anything, and the second being that I was prepared mentally to stay throughout the duration of my pregnancy.
As my nurse and I were talking, the MFM came in. The nurse apologized for spilling the beans a little and was worried that she had given me false information. The doctor agreed that it was weird since she hadn't officially spoken to me. So the nurse excused herself and left the doctor and I to chat.
The doctor told me that I would be going home.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was SHOCKED. Like literally. In fact, I cried a little and explained to her that I couldn't leave just yet because Mikey wouldn't be able to get off work until later in the evening. She told me that she wouldn't kick me out of bed and I could stay as long as I needed. I was so happy but at the same time super apprehensive. So I asked her if any patient had ever refused to be sent home. She said that there have been patients that were given the option and chose to stay, but that was not the case for me. I don't have contractions, I don't require medicine for either contractions or blood pressure, I am not diabetic, etc. I am completely healthy with a short cervix that is now only slightly dilated. We then discussed where I would be continuing my prenatal care--at the original hospital, or Incubation Station. It was a tough decision since I love my OBs from Arlington Hospital, but I hadn't seen them in weeks and I was under the care of doctors that knew every single thing about the last 8 weeks. So I switched to Inova Fairfax's MFM group. They are the ones who I see each and every morning. As soon as this is done, I will go back to my original doctors at Arlington and continue my GYN care. And who knows.. Maybe OB care again someday.
As soon as I got the news and stopped crying, I called Mikey. He was also in shock. We hadn't even planned on the reality that I would be going home. Every time we discussed it, it was kind of hypothetical scenarios that never went anywhere because neither of us thought it would happen. Both my mom and mother-in-law were shocked as well. In fact, too shocked to seem happy--just indifferent. I know they were happy, it just took everyone by surprise. Everyone had agreed that I would be staying with my mother in law for the duration of my bed rest. She only lives 10-15 minutes from the hospital and there are only 5 steps I need to go up to get to the room where I am staying. Additionally, my sister in law would be home from college and would be around if I needed anything. I wouldn't be alone completely. I do miss my cats and my townhouse, but we have too many steps to climb up!
The rest of the day was a blur. I just kept imagining waking up from this exciting dream. And I also tried to imagine how the hell I was going to get 8 weeks worth of stuff out of the hospital room!
At around 5:45, Mikey showed up and began breaking down Incubation Station. I wrote thank you cards to my favorite nurses. At about 7:00pm and after several trips to the car, the process was officially over. I was wheeled out of my room and left to the real world. I hugged my nurses, handed out cards and got teary eyed. I cried because I was so happy but so scared at the same time. My 8 week security blanket was being removed. I didn't know what life was like outside of the hospital room. I didn't even have a coat! Mikey gave me his. I was wheeled out and of the High Risk Perinatal Unit and rolled outside. I remember thinking the December air felt magnificent. I was in a stuffy room for all those weeks and I was finally feeling the wind and cool air. I teared up a little.
When I got into the car with Mikey it felt like I was from another planet. It was so strange, yet so soothing. As we drove away I couldn't help but feel like I was leaving a huge part of me. A part of me that despite my hating and complaining about, really changed me. I asked Mikey to drive around his mother's neighborhood so we could look at the Christmas lights. We turned on the 24/6 Holiday music station and looked at the lights. He held my hand and we discussed how glad we were to be reunited and how much we love and missed each other. He told me that it hadn't felt like Christmas yet and that the holidays seemed silly without me, but now that I am home, it finally feels right. (I am pretty sure this ruins his cool cred)
I have spent one night here in my new Incubation Station. I had a hard time sleeping since I was so shocked, but also because I was in a real bed as opposed to a hospital inflatable bed. And so far today has been pretty ho-hum. But I have moments where I still can't wrap my head around this. It all happened so fast! The whole 8 weeks happened quickly. And now I am feeling like I am...missing the hospital? I miss the safety. I miss knowing that no matter what, someone would be there. I also kind of feel weird that my mother in law and sister in law have waited on me today. It's so not like me and very nursing home-esque. I keep thinking that they aren't really doing it for me only, but the girls too.
So now I will be confined to my room at the new Incubation Station until I deliver. I have a doctors appointment next Wednesday to see how the girls are doing and to possibly discuss an eviction date. Yes, gentle readers, there isn't a whole lot of time left! I predict somewhere in the next 3-5 weeks we may be meeting our little ballerinas.
Pregnancy is difficult, messy, dangerous, beautiful and humbling. I have learned that no, I don't have the glow and yes I was blessed with weight gain, heart burn and stretch marks. I have learned that if I don't listen to my body, there could be trouble. But more importantly: I have learned how to be a mother. I've spent 8 weeks protecting the girls--a mere, teeny, tiny fraction of how long I'll spend protecting them. I know it isn't over yet and I will continue to protect them.
I am utterly thankful for my doctors at Arlington Hospital who rushed me to Inova Fairfax Hospital when they knew something was wrong. I am thankful for the amazing doctors at Fairfax who kept me informed and safe. And lastly, I am thankful for the nurses. These women work 12 hour shifts and are amazing. Anything I needed, they helped with without hesitation. Hug a nurse--if you know one.
And that concludes my story about my journey of hospital bed rest. Now, I am just an average bed ridden lady at home. I will keep you all updated and will keep this going. It's therapeutic. I hope everyone has a very happy Christmashanukwazakah!!! I will post on 12/26/2012 for an update!
Love,
Johanna and two eager ballerinas who are still practicing their pirouettes safely inside. Just gestatin'.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Which Way is Which?!
Gentle readers,
'Twas the night before 32 and all through the room
Not a creature was upset or feeling any gloom
The air conditioner may have shut down during the night
Causing the patient in 626 to sweat from left to right
The resident doctor came in to bear good news
However, her assessment seemed to only confuse
Progesterone was prescribed super late in the game
And her overall reasoning seemed pretty lame
The patient requested the MFMs all by their names
"It doesn't matter who! I need a second opinion just the same!"
But I heard the doctor exclaim as he dashed out of sight
"You won't be needing progesterone every night!"
I sometimes have creative moments.. But my story didn't require the entire Clement C. Moore poem. But alas let me elaborate.
I am a day shy of 32 weeks! Another milestone within my reach. Today also marks my 8th week at Incubation Station. 8 weeks!!! Doesn't that sound insane?!? My OB didn't think I'd make it this far. It's not over yet, but I can actually 'almost' see the end of my pregnancy. Life at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.
(By the way, that phrase "light at the end of the tunnel" is an exact metaphor for a child being born.. I wonder if that's where it originated from)
Anyway, I am so proud of the girls' progress. As much as I complain about bed rest, I cannot imagine what would have happened if 8 weeks ago, I shrugged off seeing parts of my plug and didn't do anything about it. I am so glad they've hung in there!
So the last week was slightly monotonous, except for the return of my husband from Germany
and seeing my godparents. I did manage to knit two baby hats! I've never knit anything before, so I am so proud of myself. Knitting was something I've always wanted to do, but never had the opportunity to do. Or the patience. Now I find it therapeutic and I have all the time in the world.
This week has started off great. Page and Brian brought Mikey and I breakfast on Sunday morning. It was delicious! Bagels from the outside! Then, my hairdresser came in and cut my hair! I look like myself (sorta) now and I was thrilled to actually feel human like.
Yesterday was nice too! I had a good visit with my mom and then a good visit with mother in law and hubby.
Now for today's a.m. shenanigans..
For some reason, my sleep has been wonky lately. I can't sleep long enough and I am easily disturbed from slumber and not able to go back to sleep. So at 6:00am, after being given my medicine, I couldn't go back to sleep. I heard weird noises from my air conditioning unit and thought nothing of it, until it was completely silent. Great, I am pregnant and this room is stuffy. Bad combo! I figured I'd call maintenance when it got later. Around 6:45, the resident came in--yes, THAT one. She gave me the run down of what I can look forward to this week. She told me I'd be starting progesterone nightly from now on. She explained that my cervix is short (no shit, Sherlock) and that progesterone helps elongate cervical length and can close the cervix. To me, that's not new. My OB at home placed me on progesterone when my dynamic cervix was discovered and I was initially put on home bed rest. But when I got to Incubation Station, the MFMs (maternal fetal medicine docs--aka high risk pregnancy doctors) said it wasn't necessary to continue the progesterone because I was already dilated. So I let it go.
After 7 weeks, the resident assumed it would be helpful. At 6:45, my thoughts aren't so cohesive and I can't react immediately. I needed time to process and think about questions. When the MFM came in, I expressed my confusion in being prescribed progesterone from the resident. The MFM again told me it was pointless to take it. He thought it was weird and said that progesterone isn't prescribed after 28 weeks and it really isn't helpful for twin pregnancies. Now, I am sure the resident was trying to be helpful, but let's been honest, she's made one or two errors regarding my situation (hello? Remember The Battle of the Bulging Membranes?!) so I take her words with a grain of salt.
The MFM then told me I'd have my cervix measured tomorrow, and I'll have a sonogram. I think it's reevaluating time!! Now, I am not going to be naive or anything. But how awesome would it be if nothing changed and I am still 1.5cm dilated and 75% effaced?! Maybe home is in my future! The MFM said no guarantees, but at least I'll have answers--will I get discharged? Or how long will I be here for before the girls are delivered?
Now, to play devils advocate a little: I potentially have 4-5 weeks left. I guess it wouldn't be the end of the world if I couldn't go home. I am a compliant patient, but I am losing my patience. And I am sad I am missing the holidays.. But then there's the voice of reason--holidays come each year and the memories will be so amazing next year when the girls come. Like I always say, a catch-22.
I really hope for good news tomorrow! I'll write again and update.
Peace out cub scouts...
Johanna
Dear god it's hot in here... Ugh.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Oh nothing, just gestating...
Good evening ye gentle readers,
Another manic Monday has passed. It was filled with crazy shenanigans!
Well, at least I imagine it was. Hopefully you all had a good Monday!
Things here have been stable and quiet. But, I'd be happy to fill you in on what's been shakin' at Incubation Station.
My last entry I wrote included a possibility of home. The resident doctor who told me there was a chance, took back her thoughts on convincing the MFMs to discharge me. Apparently she saw my chart and told me I had two problems. (Only two?!). Anyway, she said that I had 1) a short cervix that is dilated and 2) bulging membranes.
The Battle of the Bulging Membranes
Upon my admission to the first hospital, I was told that membranes were visible. After I was transferred to L&D at my now Incubation Station, placed on magnesium sulfate placed in a position where I was as far on my head as possible--a big wig MFM examined me. I was told that all those little tricks and medical interventions helped gravity take course and my membranes moved away from my cervix. However, the residents and fellows kept claiming I had bulging membranes. So I finally asked one nurse to check my chart and let me know the real scoop. Apparently, they were looking at the notes from my admission and not the most up to date info. That same nurse told me to not listen to residents. Especially ones who aren't interested in high risk pregnancies or OB/GYN,
but have to do 6 weeks of it as part of their rotations. Basically a resident doctor hoping to specialize in family medicine has been giving me information and false hope.
So whether or not I go home is still a mystery. I ask each MFM if they think I can be reevaluated and possibly discharged between 32-34weeks. Each of them have different opinions and thoughts about my condition. I hate it. I get that I have no cervix and that I am dilated a teeny bit. But most normal expectant mothers begin to dilate and their cervical length diminish around 34weeks gestation. So why can't I be part of the normal club? I know I am stomping my foot like a baby, and when I think of what could happen if the girls come early--my heart sinks. I want healthy babies. Ugh, such a catch-22.
Now despite all this bulging membrane business, I had an amazing sonogram done last week! The girls are weighing 3lbs each!!! Their weight is fantastic! And the resident (grrrr!!) told me that most twins are different in weights and she was surprised that they were the same. Especially being fraternal. So that was good to hear. Clearly they are growing because I am getting bigger too! Hellooooo stretch marks!!!
Despite my marks and obvious weight gain, my special friend Page and her friend Erin came to see me and we had a really great visit! Erin brought her snazzy camera and took some lovely pictures of me. It felt amazing to look like a human being and to STAND!! Now, I am still critical because I didn't wear enough makeup--just mascara, but hopefully they will be back and I can increase the eye makeup and do my usual! It really meant a lot to me. I can't fully express the gratitude. Page is truly special and I am glad I got to meet Erin.
My dear Mikey has been in Germany and I was feeling blue yesterday afternoon when all of a sudden, I get a package and cards from the volunteers downstairs in the hospital. It was from some of the moms in my February 2013 Mom Facebook group! I had complained about missing the holidays and the winter season and they brought cheer to me. These are women that I have never met, but have discussed pregnancy woes with. I was touched and it really lifted my spirits. These women are fantastic and I am beyond grateful! :)
So to sum it up, I am here and still pregnant. Just hanging out and gestating. No big deal. Thanks for reading along with me. Have a good day everyone!
OH--if you wanna see a bump photo, here's a little collage. Obviously the Christmas tree picture is the most recent. And apparently I used to stand, wear makeup and brush my hair!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Water, water, everywhere!
Hello again gentle readers,
I hope your Thanksgiving was delightful and that the tryptophan haze treated you and yours nicely.
It has been another week of glass case emotions here at Incubation Station. I am pretty sure that I have been through the ringer here!
I have made it to a stunning 29 weeks pregnant. The "Dirty 30" is on the horizon! I have the purple stripes of honor on my sides to prove it, too! My friend Sara came to visit me last night and literally laughed at me when I stood up to use the facilities. She told me I looked like I had been hiding a pillow under my shirt. Okay guys...The gig is up...There's a pillow underneath my shirt!
Kidding. Oh and cocoa butter? Yeah, not so sure that works but it sure does make me want a brownie!
I had really been missing the traditions that my husband and I have. Each year, the weekend after Thanksgiving, Mikey and I go and get our Christmas tree and decorate it and our house. Naturally I was upset about not having the chance to live that tradition. But on Sunday, 11/25 the water works began. My dear friend Page and her husband Brian came by to "deck the halls" of Incubation Station room 626. I wasn't expecting it and I was so surprised when I saw the table top Christmas tree. Cue in the water works. I was crying because I was so happy. My husband knew about the whole thing and I was completely surprised. We decorated ornaments, listened to Christmas music, and gabbed. It was so nice. Even though it wasn't quite the tradition I had been accustomed to, it sufficed. It was something truly special and those ornaments will forever be part of our Christmas decor. Page and Brian are treasures and I am so glad they are my friends. :)
Water works.
Monday, 11/26 was a ho-hum boring day at Incubation Station. I was given something called a Non-Stress Test (NST). That is where the fetal heart monitors stay on your stomach in conjunction with the contraction monitor for 30-40 minutes. The goal is to see consistency in the heart beats of the babies and then to see accelerations and decelerations. My nurse was wondering why I was starting the NSTs and I told her that based upon my reading, it was routine for 28+ weekers. The day continued to be ho-hum. When Mikey came to visit, I knitted and Mikey watched "Jeopardy!" We were enjoying the episode when my night nurse came in. She wanted to check my vitals and listen to the babies. Side note: vital signs and listening to the babies are done three times per day, so nothing new for me. Anyway, she gets me hooked up and ready to listen to the babies' heart beats and asks Mikey to turn down Jeopardy because she needed to really pay attention to Baby A's heart beat. I do a double take and ask her what she means by that. She says "Oh, I need to listen to Baby A because it has been noted that her heart beat is irregular". WHAT?!?!? I ask her what she means by this because it was the first time that I heard anything resembling that. She told me that she didn't know where it came from but that someone had reported irregularity. She carefully listened to Baby A and heard nothing irregular. Now, I have been here for 5 weeks and that was the first time that I had ever heard anything about that. So I was pissed.
The next morning I had a list of things to ask the doctors and nurses and I was ready. I asked my doctor about it and she said it was the first time she had heard about anything irregular. An investigation would commence. My nurses didn't hear anything weird in Baby A and I felt pretty confident that it was a fluke.
Last night the irregular culprit came forward. When I had a sonogram of the little ones, the sonogram technician was having a hard time looking at Baby A's heart and all four chambers because she was moving so much. She as wiggling and kicking her sister (obviously she takes after her father) and the tech couldn't get a good picture. So because of that, it was documented that girlfriend had an irregular heartbeat. Good news is that each NST I do, and each time the fetal heart tones are monitored, nothing irregular comes through. And I'm a musician. I KNOW when something is offbeat, and Baby A isn't! So water works of both happiness and relief came streaming down.
Wednesday 11/28, the start of week 29, I received pretty stellar news. I was enjoying my breakfast and the resident doctor that I have been seeing came in to check that I was not in labor. I told her things were normal and stagnant. She began telling me what I have to look forward to. She told me that I would be scheduled for another sonogram to measure my cervix in the next week. She then told me if my cervix didn't change and I continue to be consistent here and quite frankly, still pregnant, I would have a chance of going home in the near future. When she saw the tears of joy streaming down my face she immediately interrupted my bliss and told me that it would first need to be cleared with the higher-uppers. She's a resident and not one of the Maternal Fetal Medicine docs that make all the decisions. But she said she would propose that I be discharged if everything stays the same. I was just thrilled that I would be able to possibly spend the holidays at home with my family. Even though home is kind of a scary thought, I really miss it. And I even miss the terrible felines that live in my house. And maybe I miss Mikey too. ;)
Water works.
Yes indeed. Water DOES work. I am constantly told to drink water here. It should be a no-brainer and typically I know how important it is to be hydrated. It's funny, I am part of a Facebook group for pregnant women due in February 2013 and whenever one feels something uncomfortable, I am the first to tell them to drink water. And tons of it. But sometimes it's easier to preach it than to actually follow it.
I had been having headaches and luckily I am allowed to take Tylenol here. Those that know me well, know that I am the queen of headaches and migraines. I thought nothing of it, other than headaches really suck.
One of the lovely things I get to do here is pee in a cup and the nurses test it for protein and other additives. Last week there was a trace of protein in my pee and this week there was another trace (Lemonade, anyone? Sorry, that was uncalled for) Put that together with the increasingly frequent headaches and that adds up to two-thirds of the the Pre-eclampsia trifecta. The doctors were a little concerned. The only thing missing was elevated blood pressure. Now, pre-eclampsia is very common in first pregnancies AND multiple gestations, so I am a potential target. Today I had to have blood drawn.
After two grueling hours and uncertainty, the results were in. My nurse unofficially told me that my blood levels were within normal range and that she didn't think it looked pre-eclamptic. I still need to talk to my doctor about the results, but I swear, the ceiling opened up and I heard the "Hallelujah Chorus" and rays of sunshine beamed onto my bed. She also lectured me on how I need to drink more water. BUSTED! Headaches and protein in urine can all result from dehydration. Who has had her 32 oz. jug of water refilled numerous times today? THIS GIRL!
Now you know.. Water works.
And that's all I have for you, ye gentle readers.
Thank you for reading my journey and please, above all, drink water. :)
I hope your Thanksgiving was delightful and that the tryptophan haze treated you and yours nicely.
It has been another week of glass case emotions here at Incubation Station. I am pretty sure that I have been through the ringer here!
I have made it to a stunning 29 weeks pregnant. The "Dirty 30" is on the horizon! I have the purple stripes of honor on my sides to prove it, too! My friend Sara came to visit me last night and literally laughed at me when I stood up to use the facilities. She told me I looked like I had been hiding a pillow under my shirt. Okay guys...The gig is up...There's a pillow underneath my shirt!
Kidding. Oh and cocoa butter? Yeah, not so sure that works but it sure does make me want a brownie!
I had really been missing the traditions that my husband and I have. Each year, the weekend after Thanksgiving, Mikey and I go and get our Christmas tree and decorate it and our house. Naturally I was upset about not having the chance to live that tradition. But on Sunday, 11/25 the water works began. My dear friend Page and her husband Brian came by to "deck the halls" of Incubation Station room 626. I wasn't expecting it and I was so surprised when I saw the table top Christmas tree. Cue in the water works. I was crying because I was so happy. My husband knew about the whole thing and I was completely surprised. We decorated ornaments, listened to Christmas music, and gabbed. It was so nice. Even though it wasn't quite the tradition I had been accustomed to, it sufficed. It was something truly special and those ornaments will forever be part of our Christmas decor. Page and Brian are treasures and I am so glad they are my friends. :)
Water works.
Monday, 11/26 was a ho-hum boring day at Incubation Station. I was given something called a Non-Stress Test (NST). That is where the fetal heart monitors stay on your stomach in conjunction with the contraction monitor for 30-40 minutes. The goal is to see consistency in the heart beats of the babies and then to see accelerations and decelerations. My nurse was wondering why I was starting the NSTs and I told her that based upon my reading, it was routine for 28+ weekers. The day continued to be ho-hum. When Mikey came to visit, I knitted and Mikey watched "Jeopardy!" We were enjoying the episode when my night nurse came in. She wanted to check my vitals and listen to the babies. Side note: vital signs and listening to the babies are done three times per day, so nothing new for me. Anyway, she gets me hooked up and ready to listen to the babies' heart beats and asks Mikey to turn down Jeopardy because she needed to really pay attention to Baby A's heart beat. I do a double take and ask her what she means by that. She says "Oh, I need to listen to Baby A because it has been noted that her heart beat is irregular". WHAT?!?!? I ask her what she means by this because it was the first time that I heard anything resembling that. She told me that she didn't know where it came from but that someone had reported irregularity. She carefully listened to Baby A and heard nothing irregular. Now, I have been here for 5 weeks and that was the first time that I had ever heard anything about that. So I was pissed.
The next morning I had a list of things to ask the doctors and nurses and I was ready. I asked my doctor about it and she said it was the first time she had heard about anything irregular. An investigation would commence. My nurses didn't hear anything weird in Baby A and I felt pretty confident that it was a fluke.
Last night the irregular culprit came forward. When I had a sonogram of the little ones, the sonogram technician was having a hard time looking at Baby A's heart and all four chambers because she was moving so much. She as wiggling and kicking her sister (obviously she takes after her father) and the tech couldn't get a good picture. So because of that, it was documented that girlfriend had an irregular heartbeat. Good news is that each NST I do, and each time the fetal heart tones are monitored, nothing irregular comes through. And I'm a musician. I KNOW when something is offbeat, and Baby A isn't! So water works of both happiness and relief came streaming down.
Wednesday 11/28, the start of week 29, I received pretty stellar news. I was enjoying my breakfast and the resident doctor that I have been seeing came in to check that I was not in labor. I told her things were normal and stagnant. She began telling me what I have to look forward to. She told me that I would be scheduled for another sonogram to measure my cervix in the next week. She then told me if my cervix didn't change and I continue to be consistent here and quite frankly, still pregnant, I would have a chance of going home in the near future. When she saw the tears of joy streaming down my face she immediately interrupted my bliss and told me that it would first need to be cleared with the higher-uppers. She's a resident and not one of the Maternal Fetal Medicine docs that make all the decisions. But she said she would propose that I be discharged if everything stays the same. I was just thrilled that I would be able to possibly spend the holidays at home with my family. Even though home is kind of a scary thought, I really miss it. And I even miss the terrible felines that live in my house. And maybe I miss Mikey too. ;)
Water works.
Yes indeed. Water DOES work. I am constantly told to drink water here. It should be a no-brainer and typically I know how important it is to be hydrated. It's funny, I am part of a Facebook group for pregnant women due in February 2013 and whenever one feels something uncomfortable, I am the first to tell them to drink water. And tons of it. But sometimes it's easier to preach it than to actually follow it.
I had been having headaches and luckily I am allowed to take Tylenol here. Those that know me well, know that I am the queen of headaches and migraines. I thought nothing of it, other than headaches really suck.
One of the lovely things I get to do here is pee in a cup and the nurses test it for protein and other additives. Last week there was a trace of protein in my pee and this week there was another trace (Lemonade, anyone? Sorry, that was uncalled for) Put that together with the increasingly frequent headaches and that adds up to two-thirds of the the Pre-eclampsia trifecta. The doctors were a little concerned. The only thing missing was elevated blood pressure. Now, pre-eclampsia is very common in first pregnancies AND multiple gestations, so I am a potential target. Today I had to have blood drawn.
After two grueling hours and uncertainty, the results were in. My nurse unofficially told me that my blood levels were within normal range and that she didn't think it looked pre-eclamptic. I still need to talk to my doctor about the results, but I swear, the ceiling opened up and I heard the "Hallelujah Chorus" and rays of sunshine beamed onto my bed. She also lectured me on how I need to drink more water. BUSTED! Headaches and protein in urine can all result from dehydration. Who has had her 32 oz. jug of water refilled numerous times today? THIS GIRL!
Now you know.. Water works.
And that's all I have for you, ye gentle readers.
Thank you for reading my journey and please, above all, drink water. :)
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Journey back 4 weeks and then some
Well well well. Where exactly do I start? I guess the most logical place is from the beginning.. So here we go.
My name is Johanna and I am 27 years old. I am married to the love of my life of 11.5 years, Mikey. Mikey and I have been married for 2.5 years and couldn't be happier. We have a lovely townhouse together and two really obnoxious cats, Jake and Patrick. Now that you know all that, I am really going to get started!
In August 2011, Mikey and I decided that we were ready to take the next step and begin trying for a family. Both of us were solvent and things seemed to be in our favor. We had always wanted children and knew that once we established ourselves financially and maritally, we would start a family. After a bout of heartache and a diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), Mikey and I were pregnant in June 2012!
That first pregnancy test was so thrilling. We were so happy that we had conceived! I went in for my first blood test on June 9th to confirm pregnancy. My hCG levels (that's the pregnancy hormone) were at 597. I thought to myself, "wow, that's pretty high", but immediately ignored it because hCG levels vary so much. But Mikey and I definitely discussed the possibility of multiples! Two days later I had another blood draw and my numbers had doubled to 1173. Two days after that, I had another blood draw and I was at 2380. I was so excited! My numbers were perfect and I was ready for my very first sonogram. We were going to have a baby February 14, 2013!
Mikey and I had our first sonogram a week or so later. Mikey was a little out of it since he had just come back from a bachelor party in Las Vegas and he took the red-eye home. The sonogram began. My doctor looked around and finally said "It looks like someone is having twins". It was said as nonchalantly as "Oh, we're having meatloaf for dinner". Mikey and I freeze. WHAT?!?!? The doctor said "Yup, see there are two sacs and fetal poles. That means that they are fraternal". WHAT?!?? Then he added "But don't go painting your nursery two different colors. One twin may disappear. It's called Vanishing Twin Syndrome". WHAT??!?? First we are told we are pregnant with twins and now one will be disappearing? Where will it go? Is that safe and okay? Yikes! So Mikey and I mosey home and call our immediate family to share the good news. We were happy with the idea of twins once the initial shock wore off.
When we found out gender, we were so happy the babies were healthy. Hooray for TWO GIRLS!! Mikey wanted one to be a boy. He even asked the sonogram technician whether or not one baby just had a really small penis, or testicles that hadn't descended. Sonogram tech didn't laugh all that hard. But he immediately took to the idea of a household filled with estrogen. We did panic when we realized that these girls would some day be 13..
My pregnancy was pretty ho-hum and boring at first. I had minor morning sickness and I had zero energy and slept a lot. I craved chips and salsa and anything vinegary. Nothing averted or no bizarre cravings. October 19th, at 23 weeks and 2 days, we had a standard doctor appointment and my glucose/gestational diabetes test. I drank the sugary ickness and had my blood drawn. Then it was sonogram time! Well, we first double checked that the babes were still girls. Still girls. Phew. Everything looked great. Their weights were lovely and they were measuring right on schedule. Now it was time to check my cervix. Fun fun fun!
While the sonogram technician was checking, she said things looked great. I wasn't dilated and the length of my cervix was good. I must have shifted in a weird way, because the next thing I knew I was asked to bear pressure on my cervix. So I did a sit up motion (which, by the way, was difficult since I hadn't done any sort of exercise in months. And I was huge). Mikey looked at the screen and said "uhh, is her cervix supposed to do that??" And the technician replied "No. But look how it changed when you laid back down. Looks like you'll be laying down for a very long time". Panic set it. Oh dear god. Bed rest. The two words that haunt moms of multiples. My OB came in to discuss what this meant. My cervix was dynamic, meaning it changed lengths pretty often. I would be confined to bed and I'd need to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist (aka high-risk doctor). But, maybe with medicine and rest, my cervix would stabilize and I'd be mobile again. I cried. I cried a lot.
I told my boss and began my life as a bed ridden person. I was at home and I was beginning to do all sorts of crafty things. I was going to knit, crochet and cross stitch. My dear friend and singing group had visited me! It was going to be okay! Tuesday, October 23rd, things changed big time. I was hanging around at home and felt tired and pressure. I slept a good chunk of the day and resided in our bedroom. I wasn't comfortable on the couch and I was feeling weird. I finally showered and I noticed that something was off. I was seeing (SPOILER--THIS MAY BE GROSS!!) what appeared to be my mucus plug. I started crying and called my mom and Mikey. I thought maybe I was overreacting and that what I was seeing wasn't my plug so I needed my mom to reassure me and Mikey to tell me I was being an insane and unreasonable woman.
I called my doctor and waited (aka cried a lot) for her to call me back. She did. I explained to her what I saw and she told me if I saw more of it, I needed to go to Labor and Delivery at the hospital. I told her that I had seen the same thing twice and she advised me to head to Labor and Delivery. I called Mikey and my mother and Mikey told me he was on his way to meet me at the hospital and my mom drove me. I was a mess. I didn't know what I needed to bring, so I took my wallet, car keys and my Kindle.
I arrived at Labor and Delivery and I was put in a wheel chair and wheeled to a room where both my OBs met with me. I was examined and after mumbling and "Oh crap" faces, I knew something was wrong. With my mom at my side and Mikey holding my hand, we were told that I was dilated and effaced and there were bulging membranes. My doctor said "you are in labor and we are going to do all we can to stop it". I went in to shock because I was hot and nauseous all at once. I cried hysterically. My doctors told me that I would be ambulanced to another hospital with a better NICU but they wanted to start me on steroid shots and an IV drip of antibiotics and magnesium sulfate. For those that don't know, magnesium sulfate is a medicine that not only stops labor, but it is said to help strengthen the neurological functioning for the babies. One also cannot eat or drink on the magnesium. Not cool. I was also hooked up to a contraction monitor and I had dopplers on my stomach to measure the girls' heart rates.
With the IV fully pumping me with tons of medicine and my love handles sore from the steroid shot, I was given a catheter as well. Holy crap. That hurt so much. My OBs and various doctors came in to check my reflexes and draw blood to make sure the magnesium wasn't making me toxic. Around 10:00ish, a neonatologist came in to discuss with Mikey and I the viability of our little angels. Dr. Grim basically told us that we were on the brink of viability outside of the womb and that the girls only had a 50/50 chance of survival. He also told us that if the girls did survive, there could be significant physical and neurological disabilities. Then he added that they would be intubated and if things were not progressing, we would need to think about a DNR. I was speechless. Tears were just welling in my eyes. Never had I heard such shitty news! Mikey held my hand and told me it would be okay and that if worse came to worse, we could always try again. My heart was breaking.
I made it through the night at the first hospital and then I was transferred by ambulance to my now Incubation Station. I still had to reside in Labor and Delivery and was still attached to the magnesium. The rest of the day was a blur and the effects of the magnesium were really kicking in. The things I do remember are dream like. I know I begged for water, and I was only allowed ice chips. I also remember meeting another neonatologist who gave Mikey and I better news. I was so out of it I can't tell you exactly what was said, but I think he told us we had a better chance of survival at this hospital. I also had another sonogram. Babies were measuring fine and their weights were good. I was in and out of consciousness so I can't say exactly what they looked like or what the sonogram tech said. My mother in law came to visit and I don't remember a thing. She claims we had full on conversations, but I can't recall any of them. Night time came and I started to get sick. I threw up all over myself and poor Mikey went to find a nurse who had to clean me up, change my linens. Good news is I got to brush my teeth for the first time since the morning before. The nurse took my blood and it turns out I was toxic from the magnesium and I needed to stop taking it for a bit. The rest of the night was uneventful. Although, I did get quite the chuckle when I asked Mikey if he wanted a heated blanket and he responded sleepily with "Of course I am going to hang out with Elana and Elizabeth!" I asked my nurse if I heard what I thought I heard and she heard it too.
After an awful 48 hours, I was off the magnesium and I was given the go ahead to eat. Best. News. EVER! I had pancakes. They were delicious. I was then transferred from Labor and Delivery to the High Risk Perinatal unit. I was still 70% effaced and 1.5cm dilated, but the storm had passed. I was to be confined to my room at Incubation Station for the duration of my pregnancy.
Here I am today, and I have made it almost a month here. I am 28 weeks pregnant and the viability of the babies outside the womb is like 90%. I am confident and ready to make it to 35 weeks. These babies aren't going anywhere right now. I appreciate how much they want to know their awesome parents, but we aren't ready! I know I am giving up my mobility and overall 'freedom' by laying here, but I'd rather give up moments of my time so I can have a life time with my girls. I love them so much and I want them to be healthy and perfect. And they will be.
My name is Johanna and I am 27 years old. I am married to the love of my life of 11.5 years, Mikey. Mikey and I have been married for 2.5 years and couldn't be happier. We have a lovely townhouse together and two really obnoxious cats, Jake and Patrick. Now that you know all that, I am really going to get started!
In August 2011, Mikey and I decided that we were ready to take the next step and begin trying for a family. Both of us were solvent and things seemed to be in our favor. We had always wanted children and knew that once we established ourselves financially and maritally, we would start a family. After a bout of heartache and a diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), Mikey and I were pregnant in June 2012!
That first pregnancy test was so thrilling. We were so happy that we had conceived! I went in for my first blood test on June 9th to confirm pregnancy. My hCG levels (that's the pregnancy hormone) were at 597. I thought to myself, "wow, that's pretty high", but immediately ignored it because hCG levels vary so much. But Mikey and I definitely discussed the possibility of multiples! Two days later I had another blood draw and my numbers had doubled to 1173. Two days after that, I had another blood draw and I was at 2380. I was so excited! My numbers were perfect and I was ready for my very first sonogram. We were going to have a baby February 14, 2013!
Mikey and I had our first sonogram a week or so later. Mikey was a little out of it since he had just come back from a bachelor party in Las Vegas and he took the red-eye home. The sonogram began. My doctor looked around and finally said "It looks like someone is having twins". It was said as nonchalantly as "Oh, we're having meatloaf for dinner". Mikey and I freeze. WHAT?!?!? The doctor said "Yup, see there are two sacs and fetal poles. That means that they are fraternal". WHAT?!?? Then he added "But don't go painting your nursery two different colors. One twin may disappear. It's called Vanishing Twin Syndrome". WHAT??!?? First we are told we are pregnant with twins and now one will be disappearing? Where will it go? Is that safe and okay? Yikes! So Mikey and I mosey home and call our immediate family to share the good news. We were happy with the idea of twins once the initial shock wore off.
When we found out gender, we were so happy the babies were healthy. Hooray for TWO GIRLS!! Mikey wanted one to be a boy. He even asked the sonogram technician whether or not one baby just had a really small penis, or testicles that hadn't descended. Sonogram tech didn't laugh all that hard. But he immediately took to the idea of a household filled with estrogen. We did panic when we realized that these girls would some day be 13..
My pregnancy was pretty ho-hum and boring at first. I had minor morning sickness and I had zero energy and slept a lot. I craved chips and salsa and anything vinegary. Nothing averted or no bizarre cravings. October 19th, at 23 weeks and 2 days, we had a standard doctor appointment and my glucose/gestational diabetes test. I drank the sugary ickness and had my blood drawn. Then it was sonogram time! Well, we first double checked that the babes were still girls. Still girls. Phew. Everything looked great. Their weights were lovely and they were measuring right on schedule. Now it was time to check my cervix. Fun fun fun!
While the sonogram technician was checking, she said things looked great. I wasn't dilated and the length of my cervix was good. I must have shifted in a weird way, because the next thing I knew I was asked to bear pressure on my cervix. So I did a sit up motion (which, by the way, was difficult since I hadn't done any sort of exercise in months. And I was huge). Mikey looked at the screen and said "uhh, is her cervix supposed to do that??" And the technician replied "No. But look how it changed when you laid back down. Looks like you'll be laying down for a very long time". Panic set it. Oh dear god. Bed rest. The two words that haunt moms of multiples. My OB came in to discuss what this meant. My cervix was dynamic, meaning it changed lengths pretty often. I would be confined to bed and I'd need to see a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist (aka high-risk doctor). But, maybe with medicine and rest, my cervix would stabilize and I'd be mobile again. I cried. I cried a lot.
I told my boss and began my life as a bed ridden person. I was at home and I was beginning to do all sorts of crafty things. I was going to knit, crochet and cross stitch. My dear friend and singing group had visited me! It was going to be okay! Tuesday, October 23rd, things changed big time. I was hanging around at home and felt tired and pressure. I slept a good chunk of the day and resided in our bedroom. I wasn't comfortable on the couch and I was feeling weird. I finally showered and I noticed that something was off. I was seeing (SPOILER--THIS MAY BE GROSS!!) what appeared to be my mucus plug. I started crying and called my mom and Mikey. I thought maybe I was overreacting and that what I was seeing wasn't my plug so I needed my mom to reassure me and Mikey to tell me I was being an insane and unreasonable woman.
I called my doctor and waited (aka cried a lot) for her to call me back. She did. I explained to her what I saw and she told me if I saw more of it, I needed to go to Labor and Delivery at the hospital. I told her that I had seen the same thing twice and she advised me to head to Labor and Delivery. I called Mikey and my mother and Mikey told me he was on his way to meet me at the hospital and my mom drove me. I was a mess. I didn't know what I needed to bring, so I took my wallet, car keys and my Kindle.
I arrived at Labor and Delivery and I was put in a wheel chair and wheeled to a room where both my OBs met with me. I was examined and after mumbling and "Oh crap" faces, I knew something was wrong. With my mom at my side and Mikey holding my hand, we were told that I was dilated and effaced and there were bulging membranes. My doctor said "you are in labor and we are going to do all we can to stop it". I went in to shock because I was hot and nauseous all at once. I cried hysterically. My doctors told me that I would be ambulanced to another hospital with a better NICU but they wanted to start me on steroid shots and an IV drip of antibiotics and magnesium sulfate. For those that don't know, magnesium sulfate is a medicine that not only stops labor, but it is said to help strengthen the neurological functioning for the babies. One also cannot eat or drink on the magnesium. Not cool. I was also hooked up to a contraction monitor and I had dopplers on my stomach to measure the girls' heart rates.
With the IV fully pumping me with tons of medicine and my love handles sore from the steroid shot, I was given a catheter as well. Holy crap. That hurt so much. My OBs and various doctors came in to check my reflexes and draw blood to make sure the magnesium wasn't making me toxic. Around 10:00ish, a neonatologist came in to discuss with Mikey and I the viability of our little angels. Dr. Grim basically told us that we were on the brink of viability outside of the womb and that the girls only had a 50/50 chance of survival. He also told us that if the girls did survive, there could be significant physical and neurological disabilities. Then he added that they would be intubated and if things were not progressing, we would need to think about a DNR. I was speechless. Tears were just welling in my eyes. Never had I heard such shitty news! Mikey held my hand and told me it would be okay and that if worse came to worse, we could always try again. My heart was breaking.
I made it through the night at the first hospital and then I was transferred by ambulance to my now Incubation Station. I still had to reside in Labor and Delivery and was still attached to the magnesium. The rest of the day was a blur and the effects of the magnesium were really kicking in. The things I do remember are dream like. I know I begged for water, and I was only allowed ice chips. I also remember meeting another neonatologist who gave Mikey and I better news. I was so out of it I can't tell you exactly what was said, but I think he told us we had a better chance of survival at this hospital. I also had another sonogram. Babies were measuring fine and their weights were good. I was in and out of consciousness so I can't say exactly what they looked like or what the sonogram tech said. My mother in law came to visit and I don't remember a thing. She claims we had full on conversations, but I can't recall any of them. Night time came and I started to get sick. I threw up all over myself and poor Mikey went to find a nurse who had to clean me up, change my linens. Good news is I got to brush my teeth for the first time since the morning before. The nurse took my blood and it turns out I was toxic from the magnesium and I needed to stop taking it for a bit. The rest of the night was uneventful. Although, I did get quite the chuckle when I asked Mikey if he wanted a heated blanket and he responded sleepily with "Of course I am going to hang out with Elana and Elizabeth!" I asked my nurse if I heard what I thought I heard and she heard it too.
After an awful 48 hours, I was off the magnesium and I was given the go ahead to eat. Best. News. EVER! I had pancakes. They were delicious. I was then transferred from Labor and Delivery to the High Risk Perinatal unit. I was still 70% effaced and 1.5cm dilated, but the storm had passed. I was to be confined to my room at Incubation Station for the duration of my pregnancy.
Here I am today, and I have made it almost a month here. I am 28 weeks pregnant and the viability of the babies outside the womb is like 90%. I am confident and ready to make it to 35 weeks. These babies aren't going anywhere right now. I appreciate how much they want to know their awesome parents, but we aren't ready! I know I am giving up my mobility and overall 'freedom' by laying here, but I'd rather give up moments of my time so I can have a life time with my girls. I love them so much and I want them to be healthy and perfect. And they will be.
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